The Great Ice Cream Sandwich Shortage of 2010
by Aleza Freeman
On Friday, I ate my weight in fried mozzarella sticks,
and washed them down with a vat of chocolate milk.
I caused the Great Ice Cream Sandwich Shortage of 2010.
It swept my home like a hurricane, leaving behind devastation and gloom.
Gained 5 pounds in my hips and thighs, but lost 10 pounds of dignity.
On Saturday, I started my campaign to rebuild and recover.
Donated my funds toward filling my refrigerator with fruit and vegetables.
Ate peaches for breakfast, broccoli for lunch, avocados for dinner,
another peach for a bedtime snack, and a bag of carrot sticks.
Fruit and veggies, veggies and fruit, water, water, water, water …
That night I dreamt I was running naked through a field of angry zucchini,
they pummeled me with rotten tomatoes as they dined on a burger and fries.
I woke up Sunday, and shed enough peach-flavored tears to fill three pitchers.
If only I’d eaten some citrus, I could have opened a lemonade stand.